moodwriter: (Tommy_sad)
[personal profile] moodwriter
I lost a dear friend this week. I'm not certain exactly when because she never told me why, but I believe it's because she thought I didn't see that she was right about something. When I'm on twitter, and I trust and love someone, I don't usually sugar-coat everything I say because I know these people know the true me and see that what I say there isn't everything I'm saying. And if something is unclear, they'll ask about it later. I hardly ever see anything as black and white. I hardly ever think that I know something better than someone else. There are a few things in this world I'm certain about and those are these:

1. “Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them.”
― Dalai Lama

2. There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.
- Dalai Lama

Everything else in this world is merely something humans come up with in their minds to make their daily lives easier for themselves.

I have a researcher's mind. I don't believe anything at face value. I don't think that if someone has written about something it must be true. And I certainly don't think that if something someone else has written agrees well with my own thoughts that it's the absolute truth.

The science about human relations is never exact because it's so hard to study. We gather evidence and we make hypotheses. We try to prove that something is what we think it is. For a long while some people actually believed that people are scared because their body reacts that way. Behaviorists saw the human mind as something irrelevant because you can't really study the mind properly. But you can study the body. And you get exact science out of it because it's measurable. Measurable data doesn't mean that you're interpreting it correctly or that it's explaining the cause of something you're studying.

This is why I always question everything that people think is the exact truth.

I had a conversation once about how the genders differ from each other. The woman was dead set that she didn't have strict ideas about gender roles, but yet, she still had very strong ideas of what is feminine and what is masculine. I gave her examples of studies in matriarchal societies where they didn't find the same differences they find in our current society. She asked me: "Do you mean it would be better if we lived in a matriarchal society?" No, I meant that even many of the characteristics we've proven to be different in the genders are that only because we live in a patriarchal society. The only way I managed to make her see that we should be a little careful of what we think are truly gender differences was when I said that at some point, it was very common to believe that women's minds can't handle scientific knowledge and that's why they shouldn't be allowed to study in universities. Nowadays, it's considered a problem especially in Finland that there are more women studying in universities than men and women are doing better in school in general than men.

So this is the mindset I come from. This is me. Nothing is true to me until it's proven, and not even then because we've managed to prove things that haven't been true. I will question every idea people have ever created. It's not an offense against you. It's just how my mind works. And I always try to be polite about my differing opinion, and I never think that your opinion is invalid. I will think it's your opinion though because it's not the whole truth, and never will be because the human society is a very complex one. It's not just your side and my side. Or it shouldn't be. All knowledge, in my opinion, should be about finding ways to coexist.

Anyway, this is a goodbye. I will miss her for the rest of my life. I will never understand this decision, and especially the way this was handled. I will forgive, though, because I can't hold a grudge. I'm just not capable of that. But I will never return. It's not possible after the bond has been severed, destroyed in this way. I just can't go back. Of course, that would require for her to even want it. I don't think that's ever going to happen because it's hard to admit one's faults. It's easier to go on and try to forget.

I hope she finds her peace. I hope her country finds its peace. And I hope her life will be better after me because I want nothing but the best for her. Always.
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June 2014

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