moodwriter: (Tommy_vampire)
[personal profile] moodwriter
I'm going to be truly honest here. This might even become pathetic. I apologize for that.

So, my friend just finished her third draft, and that's sitting on my desk waiting to be read. Once we pre-readers have read it, my friend will send it to an agent (or several).

One of my favorite authors in this fandom got published. I honestly couldn't be happier about this. She deserves it like crazy.

But when the "competition" is like this, these amazing writers who are a million times better than I am, and I never even manage to finish anything I write... I feel like I'm never ever going to be able to do what I want: get published.

For some reason it sank in yesterday. There's nothing I want more than to write books, tell stories. I don't really want to do anything else with my life. I've been wallowing in this depressing feeling these past few days, and it's so bad right now that all I do is cry when I get the chance. I'm home alone now so I can cry as much as I want.

Written down like this... It makes me laugh because I'm being silly. Either I do something about this - start finishing those original things I've created - or feel sorry for myself for the rest of my life. I know which one I'm going to choose, but it's not the easy path.

I genuinely suck. I'm not a native speaker. I don't have a fancy education to back me up. I've never finished anything that isn't fanfiction. The confidence I have is not enough. It's very easy to hurt me (breaking me is a lot harder, though). I'm not good enough. But I'm going to finish a short story in February, and I'm going to finish that pirate story this year. It's a promise.

ETA: I just read that pirate story, and gosh, it's good. Now I want to finish it. :) I'll be answering comments tomorrow. Now sleep. Thank you so much for your support. You guys are the best. <3

Date: 2013-01-23 06:21 pm (UTC)
leela_cat: Picasso print of girl writing (caption: skritch skratch) (girl writing)
From: [personal profile] leela_cat
You are me. I did get some original fiction published and then ended up stymied for many reasons.

Seriously, you are good enough, even with the language issues. There are many people, including me, who would happily be prereaders for you and help you with that.

♥ hugs ♥

Date: 2013-01-23 06:46 pm (UTC)
maidenbedlam: (Default)
From: [personal profile] maidenbedlam
You have to remember that publishing is a tricksy business. It's not always a matter of being good enough. There are loads of really really good writers who can't get published, and then there's the bonehead who wrote 50 Shades. She just happened to tap into something trendy and someone snapped it up. It's not quality writing, so obviously quality writing is NOT always the key to getting published.

I read a lot, and I love your work. There's a warmth in your writing style that comes across loud and clear - ot's kinda like being hugged by words. You just keep plugging away and keep trying - you'll get there.

Date: 2013-01-23 06:47 pm (UTC)
casey270: tommy wineglass (Default)
From: [personal profile] casey270
don't ever doubt your abilities. you write emotions better than anyone out there - and i'm not just talking fanfic here. you touch the river of feelings that runs through everyone's life & let your readers see the spectrum of colors in each drop. you write the good in your characters, even if they try to cover it up. you write the bad, too & try to find the motivation behind it. you don't run away from the complexities of the story just to make it easier. you face it, and let your readers walk through it with your words. and no one - absolutely not one writer - is better at bringing healing touches whenever they're needed.

Date: 2013-01-23 07:22 pm (UTC)
thraceadams: (Adam and Tommy HUGS)
From: [personal profile] thraceadams
Speaking as someone who's had a few short stories published, please don't give up. Every time I read your words I think "Oh man she's so much better at this than I am". Your stories are complex, your characters have depth, you take them places I would never dream of taking mine (usually) and I honestly believe that if you focused on finishing something original you would get it published in a heartbeat.

and Maiden is correct, publishing is very tricksy - that whole 50 Shades thing - nobody saw that coming - NOBODY. And as much as we all poo poo it, I think it's opened up a lot of doors - doors some of us may not have wanted opened, but there it is.

I'd be happy to be one of your pre-readers, no strike that, I'd be HONORED to be one.


Date: 2013-01-23 09:10 pm (UTC)
hannabec: Tommy solo knees (Default)
From: [personal profile] hannabec
We're our own worst critics! That's not to say we shouldn't look at our skills critically and attempt to improve on them. But sometimes we just need to do our very best and take a leap in good faith, with high hopes. I know you'll do that but I just want you to know that I love your writing style. I know you can do it. It's almost February...get working on that short story! :) <3

p.s. I'd be happy to preread too. I'm not an editor but I read a lot and am a native English speaker. :)

Date: 2013-01-23 09:18 pm (UTC)
arianne_maya: (Default)
From: [personal profile] arianne_maya
Don't doubt your abilities. You have a way with emotions and how to put them into words, it's fascinating. And you know, before I knew that you weren't a native writer? I couldn't tell. That might be in part because I'm ESL too, but I have a feeling that's not the only explanation.
Keep trying, bb. You're good.


Date: 2013-01-25 07:47 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
AWWW BB this made Me a little sad. It pains me to think that you can't recognize how good you are, and you can't use that confidence to fuel your writing. You know you are one of my favorites. I've never known anyone in fandom who reads fic and doesn't love your work. The way you develop the characters' voices and their universes and relationships are riveting, fascinating, and sometimes thought-provoking and inspiring and deeply moving. I've also LEARNED from you too.
PLEASE don't denigrate your fanfiction. If I was a gifted and driven writer as you are, I would probably want to stay with my favorite characters and revisit them over and over. All the writers I know seem to esteem ORIGINAL fic over their fandom writing. If you feel like you need to jump that hurdle for your OWN satisfaction, don't second-guess yourself, and don't put so much pressure on yourself! Do it for the love of writing, like you do everything else. Like they say (sort of) "If you write it... they will read!!
sorry late night tl;dr <3 embracethcray

Date: 2013-01-25 01:08 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Hey bb, I've been thinking about you and wondering how your writing is coming along, so I looked you up and just read this <3 First of all, take heart and remember what all these wonderful fandom peeps have told you! You are a talented and REMARKABLE person, you touch people with your writing (a large crowd, if we want to consider quantity), and I can't wait to read more of your original writing. Do you know that nowadays I don't read fanfic at all, except for yours. These are fandoms I know pretty much nothing about :D And I still read your work! And that I'm such a lurker and rarely even leave a comment (I'm one of those 'kudos' people) tells you that I read for my own pleasure, not just because we're friends and I like to see what you're up to. :)

And we shouldn't think of getting published as competition. You probably don't really think so when you're not feeling down, and I understand the feeling you describe in your post. But it's not like we're all applying for the same job. :) We're applying for jobs (okay, this is the worst metaphor ever) in very different fields. You're a heart surgeon (now that's a good metaphor for you my friend) and I'm a cabinetmaker. And so on.

"They can do it, so I can do it." That's what you should think. You're going to write that short story and finish the pirate fic. You are so much better than you give yourself credit for.

And like I said, take your time with the draft. I'm not in hurry. It's more important that you feel good about reading it.

With love,
your friend with the third draft :)

Date: 2013-01-25 05:46 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I know what you mean about hearing someone get published. But it can be done! It happens to people we know! I hope you're okay with wanting it for yourself, and that you allow yourself to believe you will eventually have it.

I can't wait to read that pirate fic. You totally left it hanging :D

Lots of love. <33333333333333

Date: 2013-01-25 05:50 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
And lol to rotting at home with Ugly Betty!

Next month we'll have cake together.


moodwriter: (Default)

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