moodwriter: (Tommy_vampire)
[personal profile] moodwriter
I'm going to be truly honest here. This might even become pathetic. I apologize for that.

So, my friend just finished her third draft, and that's sitting on my desk waiting to be read. Once we pre-readers have read it, my friend will send it to an agent (or several).

One of my favorite authors in this fandom got published. I honestly couldn't be happier about this. She deserves it like crazy.

But when the "competition" is like this, these amazing writers who are a million times better than I am, and I never even manage to finish anything I write... I feel like I'm never ever going to be able to do what I want: get published.

For some reason it sank in yesterday. There's nothing I want more than to write books, tell stories. I don't really want to do anything else with my life. I've been wallowing in this depressing feeling these past few days, and it's so bad right now that all I do is cry when I get the chance. I'm home alone now so I can cry as much as I want.

Written down like this... It makes me laugh because I'm being silly. Either I do something about this - start finishing those original things I've created - or feel sorry for myself for the rest of my life. I know which one I'm going to choose, but it's not the easy path.

I genuinely suck. I'm not a native speaker. I don't have a fancy education to back me up. I've never finished anything that isn't fanfiction. The confidence I have is not enough. It's very easy to hurt me (breaking me is a lot harder, though). I'm not good enough. But I'm going to finish a short story in February, and I'm going to finish that pirate story this year. It's a promise.

ETA: I just read that pirate story, and gosh, it's good. Now I want to finish it. :) I'll be answering comments tomorrow. Now sleep. Thank you so much for your support. You guys are the best. <3
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June 2014

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