moodwriter: (Default)
[personal profile] moodwriter
Unfortunately we can't read minds. That would solve quite a few marital problems too.

I'm writing this because my own communication skills have taken a hit lately, and I don't trust my instincts anymore. This is not against anyone, and I'm not trying to right a wrong or change anything. This is just a heartfelt plea for the importance of communication.

It's not always easy to hear that you've done something wrong, or that the way you express yourself is not clear enough, or that you're overreacting.

I've come across a lot of people who've been able to have wonderful conversations about all things under the sky and beyond. One of them is a dear, dear friend who started to act disrespectfully towards me at one point.

He can be utterly frustrating, even now, but it was never that. He just started to act like I don't matter even though we had been friends for years. Suddenly, everything I did was meaningless, stupid, and my opinions were next to worthless. I confronted him about this because it became hurtful, so much so that even my husband reacted to it, and he's often very mellow about things.

Instead of attacking each other we started to solve the situation. He said that he had started to get annoyed with me because I kept ranting about scientific things (I had studied university level courses and I was so excited about them that I actually became condescending towards him - or at least that's how it felt to him). He hadn't realized how he had acted out, and I think it was the time my husband said to him that he can't act like that when he finally realized that something was wrong.

We talked. We went through the whole thing, and finally found a mutual understanding about it. And today, he's still one of my closest, dearest friends, and he's always the one I go to when I need guidance in my life. He loves me; I love him. Nothing changed, except we stopped being asses towards each other. Because we talked. Because we didn't sit on the high horse. Because we admitted that there was something wrong.

We can't read each other's minds so it's important to say: this hurt me.

It's also important to try to find the common ground because even if we can't stay together, we've respected each other enough as human beings, and that's important. To me, at least.

We deserve to be treated well, even if we don't always agree.

Date: 2013-06-07 07:37 pm (UTC)
jeweledvixen: (A Adam BTIKM Lighter)
From: [personal profile] jeweledvixen
I'm so glad things worked out so well between you and your friend. You are right - we need to communicate with each other and not take our friends and family for granted. Words do hurt and sometimes we don't realize what we have said and why it hurt someone. Rather than stew in the hurt feelings, it's better to bring the subject up with the person who hurt you. More often than not, they didn't mean to hurt you.

Date: 2013-06-07 08:18 pm (UTC)
thraceadams: (Adam and Tommy HUGS)
From: [personal profile] thraceadams
I'm so happy things worked out between you and your friend. I remember when my hubs and I got engaged, one thing both our parents stressed was the need to communicate with each other and it is SO true, in EVERY relationship. *HUGS*

Date: 2013-06-07 11:15 pm (UTC)
leela_cat: ghostly black cat stretches (Default)
From: [personal profile] leela_cat
So true.

*hugs you tight*



moodwriter: (Default)

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