Apr. 6th, 2024 10:45 pm
moodwriter: (Default)
I'm a writer. I create worlds and people and feelings. I make things happen. I carry burdens that are not my own. I keep my heart open to hurt. I interpret human emotions and give names to things that have none. I love endlessly. I dream endlessly.

This is my home. Welcome. :)
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[personal profile] valress did her thing, and wrote an amazing MASH-AU with Stiles and Derek as the leads. I wanted to do the art for the story so I claimed her fic the moment I had the chance. And here's the result. I wanted to make it old fashioned in a way. I hope you like them. :)

Read more... )

Images used here were found in the net, and I do not own them.
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I stole this from [personal profile] batdina. :)

1. How old will you be in 10 months?

2. Do you think you'll be married by then?
Well, yes, because I'm already married.

3. What do you look forward to most in the next 3 months?
Seeing if we can have a baby or not.

4. Who was the last person you called?
My husband.

5. Who was the last person to call you?
My mother

6. Do you prefer to call or text?
I never call if I can avoid it. I text.

Read more... )
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We've been in Japan for a week, and it's been awesome. It's also been weird because this time, the masses of people have been more overwhelming than before. Nevertheless, this vacation in Japan is everything I hoped it would be - and more.

Yesterday, we spent the evening with a Japanese guy in an Okinawan restaurant. He has just returned from Finland with his family after living there for a few years. He just randomly started talking to us in a Ramen restaurant because he heard us speaking Finnish. We also went to see cherry blossoms in Ueno Park yesterday, and got stopped by a few drunk guys who wanted to take pictures with us foreigners. Cherry blossom season is to Japanese like Vappu is to the Finnish people.

So far, we've mainly been eating. :) We've also done some shopping and sightseeing, and have booked our trip to Osaka. We'll be there for four days.

We'll go to the Ghibli museum, too. Finally booked the tickets for that.

Here be pictures:

Read more... )
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Everything is not going smoothly considering our trip, but I won't let that get me down. The last time we went to Japan, a volcano erupted, and we couldn't take off. We had to wait for a week, but fortunately we were able to go finally. This time I'm very cautious because you never know. I can't be excited until we touch the ground.

Traveling to Japan is like going home for me. The first time I walked the streets of Kyoto, I felt like someone finally understood me. The way Japanese people behave and how the culture is constructed is so me I can't even begin to explain it. And I'm not saying I understand everything, or that everything Japanese is so much cooler than the rest of the world. No. I don't really have fantasy ideas about Japan because I've read too much and I know too much. It's not that.

It's the way people behave. It's absolutely natural in Japanese culture to take the other person into consideration every time you do something. It's a collective culture, and my heart is a collective heart. I always feel at home there because Japanese people treat others the way that feels the most natural to me.

I also love the hustle and bustle of the city because people don't run into you or push you or treat you like a nuisance. Tokyo is a big city, and it's a busy city, but it never feels like you're in someone's way. People co-exist.

We'll be going in four days, and I'm sick. I have an insane amount of work to do before we leave, and I need to take the car for a check up, clean the house because my husband's parents come here to take care of the dog, and I still need to wash all the clothes and pack. It's not going to be fun. I hoped that the flu would go away during the weekend, but it's actually getting worse. I have a tooth ache, too. So yeah, not going too well at the moment, but I'm determined not to care. I'm going to be on that plane on Thursday, and we're going to land safely to Narita, and we're going to have a blast for four weeks. :) If everything goes sour I'll deal with that too, but right now, I want to believe that everything goes smoothly. Japan is my second home. I've missed it terribly.

The contrasts of Japan )
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“Don’t ever assume that your students are like you, but younger. If you are an academic you were never a normal student.” Paul Francis

That quote made me go: "What? That's not true."

I was always an average student, never shining in anything but arts, religion, and writing, and maybe a bit in music too. I did exactly what got me through school, nothing more. Our grading system is from 4 to 10 in grammar school and high school, and then from 1 to 5 in University and in most (if not all) vocational schools. My GPA in grammar school was 8,2 and I think it was pretty much the same in high school.

I didn't do well. I was very much a normal student because that's the average here.

Maybe I don't like it when people make higher education seem like it's impossible for normal people. It's not. If you have a normal intelligence you can go through higher education. You don't have to be wicked smart. You just have to read a bit more (or be like me and read what counts).

I don't really want to say that if I can do it you can do it, but in all honesty, I feel like it. I don't have any confidence in myself academically yet. I got through the entrance exams even though I couldn't believe that I could get in. I'm not awesome at anything. Yet, anyway. :) But I'm finding my footing in the academic world and it's very interesting.

So yes, I think you're like me, and I think you can do it too. I have every faith in you.
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I ran into this again... and it's just hilarious. This is my language. <3

What do you mean, 'Finnish is difficult'?

English: A dog.
Swedish: What?
English: The dog.
English: Two dogs.
Swedish: En hund, hunden.
Swedish: Två hundar, hundarna.
English: No, go away.
Swedish: No one invited you.
German: Der Hund.
English: I said go away.
German: Ein Hund, zwei Hunde.
Swedish: Stop it.
German: Den Hund, einen Hund, dem Hund, einem Hund, des Hundes, eines Hundes, den Hunden, der Hunden.
Finnish: Sup.
English: NO.
Swedish: NO.
German: NO.
Finnish: Koira, koiran, koiraa, koiran again, koirassa, koirasta, koiraan, koiralla, koiralta, koiralle, koirana, koiraksi, koiratta, koirineen, koirin.
Finnish: Aaaand... koirasi, koirani, koiransa, koiramme, koiranne, koiraani, koiraasi, koiraansa, koiraamme, koiraanne, koirassani, koirassasi, koirassansa, koirassamme, koirassanne, koirastani, koirastasi, koirastansa, koirastamme, koirastanne, koirallani, koirallasi, koirallansa, koirallamme, koirallanne, koiranani, koiranasi, koiranansa, koiranamme, koirananne, koirakseni, koiraksesi, koiraksensa, koiraksemme, koiraksenne, koirattani, koirattasi, koirattansa, koirattamme, koirattanne, koirineni, koirinesi, koirinensa, koirinemme, koirinenne.
Finnish: Wait! then there's koirakaan, koirankaan, koiraakaan, koirassakaan, koirastakaan, koiraankaan, koirallakaan, koiraltakaan, koirallekaan, koiranakaan, koiraksikaan, koirattakaan, koirineenkaan, koirinkaan, koirako, koiranko, koiraako, koirassako, koirastako, koiraanko, koirallako, koiraltako, koiralleko, koiranako, koiraksiko, koirattako, koirineenko, koirinko, koirasikaan, koiranikaan, koiransakaan, koirammekaan, koirannekaan, koiraanikaan, koiraasikaan, koiraansakaan, koiraammekaan, koiraannekaan, koirassanikaan, koirassasikaan, koirassansakaan, koirassammekaan, koirassannekaan, koirastanikaan, koirastasikaan, koirastansakaan, koirastammekaan, koirastannekaan, koirallanikaan, koirallasikaan, koirallansakaan, koirallammekaan, koirallannekaan, koirananikaan, koiranasikaan, koiranansakaan, koiranammekaan, koiranannekaan, koiraksenikaan, koiraksesikaan, koiraksensakaan, koiraksemmekaan, koiraksennekaan, koirattanikaan, koirattasikaan, koirattansakaan, koirattammekaan, koirattannekaan, koirinenikaan, koirinesikaan, koirinensakaan, koirinemmekaan, koirinennekaan, koirasiko, koiraniko, koiransako, koirammeko, koiranneko, koiraaniko, koiraasiko, koiraansako, koiraammeko, koiraanneko, koirassaniko, koirassasiko, koirassansako, koirassammeko, koirassanneko, koirastaniko, koirastasiko, koirastansako, koirastammeko, koirastanneko, koirallaniko, koirallasiko, koirallansako, koirallammeko, koirallanneko, koirananiko, koiranasiko, koiranansako, koiranammeko, koirananneko, koirakseniko, koiraksesiko, koiraksensako, koiraksemmeko, koiraksenneko, koirattaniko, koirattasiko, koirattansako, koirattammeko, koirattanneko, koirineniko, koirinesiko, koirinensako, koirinemmeko, koirinenneko, koirasikaanko, koiranikaanko, koiransakaanko, koirammekaanko, koirannekaanko, koiraanikaanko, koiraasikaanko, koiraansakaanko, koiraammekaanko, koiraannekaanko, koirassanikaanko, koirassasikaanko, koirassansakaanko, koirassammekaanko, koirassannekaanko, koirastanikaanko, koirastasikaanko, koirastansakaanko, koirastammekaanko, koirastannekaanko, koirallanikaanko, koirallasikaanko, koirallansakaanko, koirallammekaanko, koirallannekaanko, koirananikaanko, koiranasikaanko, koiranansakaanko, koiranammekaanko, koiranannekaanko, koiraksenikaanko, koiraksesikaanko, koiraksensakaanko, koiraksemmekaanko, koiraksennekaanko, koirattanikaanko, koirattasikaanko, koirattansakaanko, koirattammekaanko, koirattannekaanko, koirinenikaanko, koirinesikaanko, koirinensakaanko, koirinemmekaanko, koirinennekaanko, koirasikokaan, koiranikokaan, koiransakokaan, koirammekokaan, koirannekokaan, koiraanikokaan, koiraasikokaan, koiraansakokaan, koiraammekokaan, koiraannekokaan, koirassanikokaan, koirassasikokaan, koirassansakokaan, koirassammekokaan, koirassannekokaan, koirastanikokaan, koirastasikokaan, koirastansakokaan, koirastammekokaan, koirastannekokaan, koirallanikokaan, koirallasikokaan, koirallansakokaan, koirallammekokaan, koirallannekokaan, koirananikokaan, koiranasikokaan, koiranansakokaan, koiranammekokaan, koiranannekokaan, koiraksenikokaan, koiraksesikokaan, koiraksensakokaan, koiraksemmekokaan, koiraksennekokaan, koirattanikokaan, koirattasikokaan, koirattansakokaan, koirattammekokaan, koirattannekokaan, koirinenikokaan, koirinesikokaan, koirinensakokaan, koirinemmekokaan, koirinennekokaan.
English: Okay, now you're just making things up!
Finnish: And now the plural forms...


Oct. 18th, 2013 10:47 pm
moodwriter: (Default)
I'll try to talk about this a little without making it about me, or without hurting anyone involved. My friend has given me permission to talk about this, and I have to say something because this is too heavy to carry without some outlet.

A child died. A very loved, three year old boy died. He was my friend's sister's boy.

It matters a lot to me, not just because I love my friend and anything that affects her affects me too, but because it comes so close. My parents lost their four year old boy a year before I was born. I grew up in a family that had suffered such a loss, and it's made me... loving towards people. I can't really explain how or why, but it's made me aware of the sadness in people.

I've talked with my mother a lot about my dead brother because she is the same way... Her immediate reaction is the need to help, the need to offer some affection, warmth, love, understanding... Anything to soothe the pain. So she's been telling me things, and I've shared them forward to the family who has lost their child.

Some things are solid walls. Nothing but time can help you get past them. There's nothing you can say, and you say it anyway. Because it's compassion.

I hope my words and thoughts give them something, that my love towards my friend can be felt through everything I do or say. She means the world to me, and if I could I would carry her.

To anyone who's ever suffered a loss, who's ever felt like there is no hope, I want you to know that someone always cares. Please, find that someone and let them walk with you. <3
moodwriter: (Default)
If you add the little lowly me to any equation I will tell you this:

1) It's easy
2) Anyone can learn it
3) It requires nothing special

Every single thing I've ever done feels like this to me. My husband caught me the other day when we were talking about skills, and how some things are very hard to learn if you have no talent for it. Of course with hard work you can get pretty far, but some things need something extra for you to become great in them.

Then, I said: "But I think almost anyone can learn to write if they try hard enough." and my husband said, "See what you did there again?"

Same goes with university. For the longest time, university was this entity of its own to me, this great, living, breathing organism, that I could never reach. Anyone who got there had to be somehow special.

Then I got in.

And university became a normal thing.

This is completely subconscious to me, and I react automatically like this to things, not because I have a very low self-esteem, but because... I think it has something to do with my values. I never want to see myself as better than someone else so if I achieve something I lower the value of the achieved thing. For the longest time I feared success because I feared that it would destroy the work I had put into understanding the mind and the relations between people and the meanings we give to things. I feared that it would somehow push me towards things like pride and raised self-worth, but my mind works the opposite way. The more successful I become, the more aware I am of others and their worth. This is so surprising to me because I thought I was already aware of others in a way that made me compassionate and thoughtful. I was, but there are different levels of awareness, and I'm not even close to the ones I want to be on.

So following my academic path has been the best choice I've ever made. Having the courage to pursue it even though I feared that it would make me proud... I can't even begin to explain what that means to me. By allowing myself to push through my fears, I'm also allowing myself to grow. And what's even better, I'm giving myself better tools to help other people.

I don't feel like I'm doing this for myself. I'm doing it to create a better world from the inside out. I probably can't do much, but I'll try. I'll do my very best to give all my abilities for this task. <3
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We never truly know what goes on in someone else’s life, not even in the lives of our closest people. I think that’s one of the biggest reasons why we should always treat others kindly. You may think it’s lame or that someone else’s suffering has nothing to do with you, but we create the world around us. We are the society. We are the laws and the rules. We are also the love and kindness we show to others.

The wars and other horrible things happening in this world are not the only things that are unbelievable, awful, or cruel. We’re cruel on a daily basis. We say awful things about others. We treat others like they are below us. We act indifferent. Or we actively create situations where we can lash out and hurt others. Why we do that is beyond me.

I know I can’t change the world. I can’t bring back people who die too early, way too early. I can’t stop wars. I can’t stop people from mindlessly killing each other. I can’t stand between people and pain. What I can do is never actively hurt anyone. I can always think of someone else as a person like me, worthy, lovable, full of feelings, dreams, and lost things. I can choose to do good. I can choose to be kind.
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I try not to excuse my own bad behavior. If I act like an asshole I apologize, and try not to do it again. It's not a part of who I am if I do something that is not nice.

You don't have to tolerate my unkind actions. My being nasty has nothing to do with my right to be myself. If I act badly it's an act against someone else.

This is one of those things I can't stand: when people say that others just have to tolerate them because they are who they are. Your actions are not a permanent part of you. You can change the way you behave. Of course it's difficult, and of course it's not fun to work on your faults, but it makes life easier eventually - for others and for you.

Every time I see someone say that others just have to accept their not-so-nice-side I think: "You just don't want to work on your faults. You don't want to grow and become a better person."

It's laziness. And it's arrogance too because it means you don't care that others have to take your shit. And not just have to but should. Because otherwise they are not your real friends/family.

Real friends and family tell you when your behavior sucks. <3
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Terry Pratchett is one of my all time favorite writers. He's also an amazing person. He has Alzheimer's disease. It breaks my heart.

That's something he did awhile ago because he loves orangutans. One of his characters in Discworld is an orangutan.

Anyway, when I watched that it broke my heart for two reasons: 1. His brilliant mind is slowly disappearing and 2. We're killing our planet so damn fast.

Sometimes I think I can do nothing good in this world because it's not going to be enough. The things that are messed up are so big they are impossible challenges.

Then again, I can do nothing but try the best I can. So what if I can't save the entire world? I can make a difference through my words, through my research work, through the kindness of my heart. There really isn't any other way. I just have to accept that I'm a tiny part of this massive and insane world, and that I can't fix everything. Still, the massiveness of the problems sometimes overwhelms me, like yesterday when I watched that. I wish I could save his mind. I wish I could save the rain forests. I wish I could stop wars.

Instead, I'm going to write stories and study hard and be kind to others every single day.

But god, it's so frustrating sometimes.
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I keep watching this show even though it makes me aggravated. Still, I feel like writing down the agenda of the Alpha pack because things are not making sense. This is what the AP has done so far:

1. They've captured Boyd and Erica (and Cora) to make them moon-crazy so they would try to kill Derek and then Derek would kill them instead. Isaac finds out about where they are held, but before he can run back to Derek the AP captures him and reads his memories through the neck-claw connection. He escapes with the help of the girl we never learn more about before she gets slashed.

2. The twins become students to keep an eye out for Derek's misfits, I guess. And to get involved with Lydia and Danny.

3. Deucalion meets Scott at the hospital and Ennis fights Scott and Derek. The AP wanted to take Isaac from the hospital.

4. They killed Erica for no apparent reason.

5. Ms. Morrell is their guide/emissary and according to her own words she stands between Scott and the AP, keeping him alive. We haven't seen much of that yet either.

6. They hide in an old bank: no moonlight => moon-crazed wolves. The symbols are never explained.

7. They lure Derek and Scott in, lock them up with mountain ash, and leave like good villains so Allison can save the day. Cora and Boyd escape, Derek and Scott chase after them.

8. The AP attacks Derek in his loft: Deucalion explains how killing his betas gave him their power, and that he wants Derek to kill one of his betas and then he'll want to kill the rest. Deucalion has his ridiculous Demon Wolf speech.

9. In the meanwhile, the twins taunt Isaac and Scott with petty school bully things.

10. The AP apparently lives in the same building as the Argents. Deucalion confronts Scott in the elevator. Deucalion wants to see what Scott is made of, and tells him that he might have to kill someone to save someone.

11. Deucalion agrees to meet Scott at the abandoned whatever-it-is, and they are supposed to come alone. Derek and the pack are there and so is the AP. They fight. Ennis and Derek fall, and Scott and the rest think Derek died.

12. Everyone else is worried about Ennis who's dying on Deaton's table, but Deucalion kills him. Ethan is with the others, travelling cross country. Isaac beats Ethan up until Scott stops him with his Alpha voice.

13. Ethan gets involved with Danny. Stiles saves Ethan.

14. We find out that Deucalion bit Alexander Argent (whoever he is) all those years ago.

15. Ethan brings Danny to the hospital after he's been poisoned with mistletoe. Ethan explains to Scott that they knew either Danny or Lydia was important to Scott and now they know it's Lydia (how they knew one of them was important and didn't know which one goes over my head, because just asking any kids at school would've made it pretty clear that Lydia hangs out with them more). That's why they got involved with them.

16. Deucalion's minions paint another symbol on the window of Derek's loft which means they are coming for him, tonight.

17. Deucalion meets Scott at school and tells him he can help Scott find Deaton who's missing (taken by Darach) if Scott can take the cain from him. Scott can't. Deucalion says he's not the one behind the murders. He also says that Scott has to choose which one he's going to save: Deaton or Derek (Kali is going after Derek). Deucalion tells Scott to follow the currents to find Deaton.

18. Kali and the twins cut the power to Derek's loft and Boyd's plan is rendered useless. The twins have Jennifer, and Kali says it's a fight between Derek and her, nobody interferes or Jennifer dies. They fight, Derek eventually loses, and they hold him still while they impale Boyd on Derek's claws. Kali gives Derek an ultimatum: "Join the AP, or I'll kill your whole pack." (what pack, by the way, Derek only has Isaac left and he's more Scott's than he ever was Derek's).

19. Deaton says Scott might be the True Alpha, and Scott realizes that might be what Deucalion is after: him.

20. Deaucalion was once an idealist who got betrayed by Gerard. Gerard poked his eyes out with hunter arrows.

21. Aiden warns Ethan that he has to stop seeing Danny. Lydia still wants to make out with Aiden even after they "were made" to kill Boyd. Scott and Stiles have a talk with Ethan who tells them that they were Omegas before Deucalion saved them from their abusive pack. Cora attacks Aiden. Ethan shouts at Aiden that he can't hurt any of Derek's before Kali's deadline (next full moon).

22. Ms. Morrell explains to Scott that Deucalion either wants to have Scott in his pack as the True Alpha or destroy Scott's True Alphaness by making him kill someone.

23. For some reason, the AP attacks Scott et all in the hospital when they go save Cora. Derek and Scott fight the twins, Peter and Scott fight the twins, Melissa McCall stuns the twins. Deucalion threatens Melissa, then lets her go as a good will gesture.

24. The AP wants to get rid of the dark druid because she's trying to gain enough power through sacrifices to kill them. The Darach is Kali's former emissary. Kali chases Derek and Jennifer; then has a talk with Deucalion about her former emissary and wanting to give her a peaceful death.

26. Deucalion tells Scott that he'll help him get his mother and Stiles' father back if Scott joins his pack. Scott accepts this.

So, we get lots of fights that end nowhere. We get revealing monologues and lots of telling not showing. Maybe someone else can point out all the places where this story telling is lacking. I'm too tired after getting all this together. :)


Aug. 6th, 2013 01:58 pm
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There's something about happiness that is always catching. When people are soft and generous I feel like the world is smiling with us. :)

I have this intense love inside me for all living things, and it never goes away even if I'm feeling hurt and broken. It's good to know that because I wouldn't want to be kind only when I'm feeling good.

Although, I can be petty too. :P

I have a darling friend who is a lot like me. We are like different sides of the same coin, or maybe just separate parts of the same pattern of lace. Anyway, talking with her is sometimes funny because I can say something and she says "I know" or she can say something and I say "I know" because our ways of experiencing things are very similar. The differences surface when we deal with things that are hurtful/negative/bad for us. We're equally curious about strange, hurtful things, but where I understand almost endlessly she pokes at things with a stick and if the thing is still moving she'll kick it out. I might try to revive it just to see if it can learn to be a better thing.

She is my go-to person. Has always been. Because I take a lot of shit in this world for no reason except my need to understand and for the crazy fact that it takes me forever to realize that someone is being an ass towards me. I don't understand easily that I'm being hurt, unless it's a direct attack. Subtle things go over my head. And well, she sees things, pokes at them, and helps me see too. She allows me to get angry through all that understanding and loving and endless forgiving. I'm very very grateful for that because sometimes, I can be really dense.

So, I'm delighted because I can mirror myself against her. We are similar enough in certain ways that it's like looking into a real mirror, and then different enough that I can see the world from another angle. She completes me.

Life is such a strange little experiment. :P


Aug. 1st, 2013 03:03 pm
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I'm a slow-burning person. I have very little energy although I'm a smile-bot. I'm open and talkative when the attention is somewhere other than myself. I turn into a shy person when the attention turns to me.

This is also why I've had such a hard time shining. I don't want to draw attention to myself. But I have dreams, and those dreams involve putting myself out there in the form of words. I am the words I write. I am that naive child, or that worldly philosopher. I am all the words and all the feelings, the good and the bad, the pathetic and the sad. And the more I write, the less I fear putting myself out there.

Writing is not my only dream, though. I want to get a degree in behavioral sciences, PhD to be exact. This dream is now closer than ever because I managed to pass the entrance exam, and I'm a university student. It shouldn't take me more than 4 years to get my Masters degree, and I'll be doing the PhD right after that.

There is so much more room inside me now that this door has opened. I am a whole new person even though at first I didn't feel any different. I always thought that I would feel somehow smarter if I managed to pass the exam. Nope, I don't. But I feel lighter. I've been carrying this dream since I was twenty. 17 years is a long time to wonder how I could pass the exam that is impossible to me. I had made it impossible to myself, and in the end, it was easy. This is how we fool ourselves. We think we can't do something because:

1. We're too old
2. We're too stupid
3. We're too weak
4. We're not good enough
5. There are so many others who are better at everything

The list is endless, and all those are lies. Yes, I couldn't become a prima ballerina, not at 36, but I can tweak my dreams and find the things that are possible to me. And the possibilities really are endless. We only have to find a way.

I'll be studying while working. I'll also write while I study and work. I might even consider having a baby while I study, work and write. I don't feel pressured by this. For some reason, I feel the kind of peace I've never felt before. I have some direction now. I'm not just hoping and dreaming. I'm also doing.

I am very slow. Most women my age already have children. I still don't know if I want any or if I can be a parent. Most women my age have their degree. I'm just starting mine, the dream one. I do have a mortgage and I'm married, and I do know some things I want to achieve when I finally grow up, but there is an endless open field ahead of me that has nothing solid there. Just something, nothing planned, just shadow dreams.

I'm okay with that. :)
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Lizibabes wrote a wonderful fic about Tommy Joe Ratliff and Ian Crawford. :) Here's the art I made for the fic:

Read more... )
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I did these for the lovely Montmorency! She wrote a wonderful fic about Tommy Joe Ratliff and Daryl Dixon. The story can be found here: link to fic.

Here are the rest )
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Teen Wolf is probably the worst show I've ever watched this long. Usually I just give up. I fast-forwarded most of the first season because the romance in it was just so horrible and the main character was an annoying whiny wimp. I watched the second season, and it became an actual, pretty entertaining TV show. I'm now watching the third season, and I have a hard time accepting any of the bullshit they are catering to us.

I'm a character-driven writer, reader and watcher. To me, characters are what make or break a story. So far, we know nothing about the new characters, and very little about the not-so-new ones.

Thoughts and Spoilers )
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You know, sorrow is a deep feeling. It stays with you for a long time even if you get on with your life. I miss my friend, the one I lost, and the more time goes by, the more I remember things. Adam is deeply connected with her, especially songs like Outlaws of Love, Underneath, and WWFM. Especially the last one.

So now when I listen to Adam I often get flashes of her, of us, together.

It's so weird how this goes, how memories work, how little it matters in the end how you're treated because what you do is miss someone. It's just an ache. It hurts. And it still makes me cry.

I don't want to get rid of these feelings, but I don't want to hold onto them either. And in a way, I'm really happy I'm feeling so much. I mostly feel deeply content in my life, and I forget easily. I don't carry things with me. So it's good to know that things can affect me this much. It means they are real.

So yes, I miss her.
moodwriter: (Default)
When they say it’s love we forgive eccentricity
When they say it’s love we forgo the royalties
When they say it’s love someone waits beyond the trees
And when they say it’s love it’s time to roll up ur sleeves
For when it’s really love there’s no sense and there’s no plot
When it’s really love you’re prepared to lose all you got

by Adam Lambert (although I fixed it a bit)

So, what does it mean? Adam has said that a long time ago, he liked to write very unclear and multilayered lyrics, but nowadays he likes to mean what he says. So I'm taking it literally. :)

Forgive eccentricity = accept people as they are; even when they are weird. This might mean that he hasn't felt like it.

Forgo the royalties = ignore fame, fortune, crowns

Someone waits beyond the trees = Someone pointed out Sherlock and John. :P I'd say it just means that there's someone for everyone, someone true who might be far away.

Time to roll up ur sleeves = Love is not something that stays there forever unless you keep it alive. It's not work as such; it's more like reminding yourself every day that the someone there isn't there for you only. They are their own person, living their own life.

There's no sense and there's no plot = His view of love is rather romanticized. There is sense, but the pop culture likes to identify love as something mystical and unexplainable. He's doing that here. :)

You're prepared to lose all you've got = If you open yourself up to someone else it means you risk losing your heart and soul because not everyone responds the same way. Sometimes people leave you, hurt you, ignore you. Sometimes they walk away. When you love that's what you're prepared to go through with.

My thoughts; not necessarily true. :)


moodwriter: (Default)

June 2014

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